Today my boss called me in and told me that my promotion had been approved. I get to add the word “Senior”, in front of my title now. Yay! I wasn’t overly excited, but I was excited nevertheless. But I seem to do best when I keep a level head and I don’t let things get to me, one way or another.

The electricity went out unexpectedly when I was typing this entry, so I got to spend some time talking to hubby in our cool, dark living room. It’s so nice to have those intimate times. Why don’t we do it more often?

I learned a lot today. I was re-reading Norvel Hayes’ book on Financial Dominion, which incidentally, is not just a book about finances, but includes information on being a servant and on healing. I read how he decided to seek Jesus as the healer when his daughter kept having a recurring illness. He prayed to God, saying that he would get away from his religious traditions and preconceived notions to seek the Jesus of the Gospels, the one who healed all who came to him. It did not take long before God showed him how his daughter could receive healing.

Here was a man who was willing to put Jeremiah 29:13 into practice, to seek the Lord with all his heart, as the healer. My first thought was, “can I seek you as my lover, Jesus?”

I don’t mean that in a physical or romantic way, of course. But the bottom line is that Jesus is often called the “love of my soul”, but how come we don’t often feel that way? I would say that not only would I need to seek Jesus as my healer, but also as my provider and my lover as well. It has been a long, long time since I have sincerely sought Him, having let many earthly situations discourage me and cause me to become disillusioned with religion in general.

But Jesus is the same, yesterday, today, and forever, right? If so, his number one objective will always be to seek and save what was lost, to have that close, intimate relationship with us. And I hate to say this, but as long as I have been a Christian, I have not felt that kind of closeness and intimacy with Him except for a few times during my Christian walk.

I remember when I was a lonely child who had been deserted by my friends, how I wish I could be like another little girl who said that she talked to Jesus all the time. This little girl was also an outcast on the playground, and she credited this experience as being something that drew her close to the Lord. But that was not my experience. I would often try to pray, but nothing would seem to happen in answer to my prayer. Naturally I wondered what was wrong, and eventually concluded in my own heart (not my mind, of course) that God was far away, and I probably was not all that important to Him.

Any Christian reading this would naturally conclude that my perceptions were wrong, that God did and still does care for me, and that I am precious and important to him. But I believe that I am not the only one who has felt this way. In fact, most of us probably do feel similarly on some level. We wonder how Paul was able to be so passionate about knowing Jesus, that all else would be rubbish to him? Paul was in love with his Lord!

So enough with mediocre Christianity. I will seek the Jesus of the gospels, the one who was kind to the poor, healed the sick, and was so gentle that he would not break a bruised reed, nor would he snuff out a smoldering wick (Isaiah 42:3). And I will seek him until I find him! Only then will I be able to do great things for the Lord. Only then will I be confident when I share my testimony with others about how good God has been to me.

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